words spoken by the couple to each other which express both an intent and a
promise. They express how the couple intend to relate to each other, how they
intend to navigate the path of life together, and what meaning they intend to give
to their marriage. They are a promise to work hard at living out this intent, no
matter how challenging that may be, because of their love and commitment to
each other.
Because the vows shape the foundation of the marriage, I believe that they should
be carefully chosen so that they most accurately express what the couple desires
to create in their relationship. While in some situations the vows are prescribed
by religious requirement, where it is possible the couple should personally select
their vows. They should be real and meaningful to the couple, and be
remembered by the couple as they proceed through life together.
In a personalised wedding ceremony there are usually no prescribed
requirements regarding the vows other than promises or undertaking that may be
required by law. Often the legal question is kept separate from the couple’s
personal vows in order to make the personal vows as appropriate for the couple
as possible.
Couples may have the option to write their own vows, to offer different vows to
each other, to adapt vows found in various resources or to follow pre-written
vows which most closely express what they want to say to each other.
This is a book of wedding vows drawn from many different places. It is offered as
a resource from which you may want to choose your vows, or as an inspiration for
you to write your own vows, either entirely different from anything you find here
or as a blending of some of the vows.
It is a good idea to read through all of the vows and the commentary I have
written about each one, not only as a way of choosing the most meaningful or
finding resources to write your own vows, but also each vow and commentary
contains in itself a short lesson about the nature of a good marriage.
Whatever you choose, I hope that on your wedding day you say the words to each
other which best describe your intent for your marriage and your promise to
work at making that intent a reality.
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